


That Damn Hug

by TheOnlySPL



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-19 22:07:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1485841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOnlySPL/pseuds/TheOnlySPL
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma sees Regina hugging Robin, instantly her heart is shattered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I have been informed by the Evil Queen herself that neither I nor anyone else "owns" her but rather that she owns everyone and everything and has allowed the creators of Once Upon a Time and people at ABC to call her and her subjects theirs.
> 
> A/N: I never intended for this to be more than a drabble but well... I was asked to extend it on tumblr so I did.
> 
> This takes place at some point in season 3B, so anything that's happened in canon may appear in this fic, it's basically writing itself so yeah, you've been warned.
> 
> Enjoy!

"I'm just —" she stares down at the three people seated at the table; her son, her old roommate — no, her mother — and her… well, her father. She pulls her phone out of her pocket then and waves it in front of them with a sigh. "I'll be right back, I'm just gonna call Regina." She receives a few strange looks and simply plasters on a fake smile while she grits out "see if she has any new information… about the case." That seems to be enough for them, and they return to their lunch.

She makes her way out of the diner, scrolling through her phone for the number. She hears a soft laugh then, and… isn't that? It sounds so familiar and yet so strange… but isn't that… That's Regina, isn't it? She looks up then, because the sound is strange, but quite nice, and she was about to call Regina anyways, having found the number in her contacts. And yeah, it would be pretty pointless to call her if she really was already here. And she is. Right there. But… she's not alone…

There's a man in front of her, and no, she can't really tell who it is, but he's there and  _she_ 's there. And she's got this ridiculously beautiful smile on her face. Not one of those fake ones she uses all the time, but a real genuine smile and her eyes are doing that weird sparkly thing like she's on the verge of tears. But there's no sadness in them and that's just  _wow_ , kind of beautiful. And she realizes she's been staring for a while, and of course Regina and… whoever that is that's putting that smile on her face, are completely oblivious to her presence. But still, it's kinda weird, and she does need to talk to Regina, right?

So she takes a few steps forward and she's about to call out for her when suddenly he — whoever he is — leans in towards Regina and he's not — is he about to kiss her? What the hell? No. He wouldn't be that stupid right? Surely Regina would lash out against anyone who dared do such a thing. And she smiles a bit because oh yeah, she's definitely going to flick her wrist and send him flying if he truly is that dumb.

But of course… as always, Regina does what she least expects. Instead of lashing out, her smile seems to widen a bit and there's a strange girly sound coming out of her mouth, not unlike those love-struck school girls and it's just so  _wrong_ , but also, kind of beautiful.

And then this strange man's arms are open wide and Regina allows it, even reciprocates, as he wraps his arms around her. And then she's smiling as she rests her chin on his shoulder and her eyes are closed like she's breathing it all in. She's acting like this… this hug with this… this jackass — wait, why is she calling him a jackass? She doesn't even know who he is… ugh — is one of the most precious things in the world. And it reminds her of the way she seems to soak in every sweet moment with Henry. The way even a simple touch of the hand from a son who now no longer remembers her, is treated like the greatest gift in the world. She can't argue with that, Henry is an amazing kid — he's their kid. But but… this man… he doesn't deserve that. Who the hell does he even think he is?

No seriously, who the hell is he? And why the hell does she care? And more importantly, why does her heart hurt so damn much? That's when her eyes open wide in fear and she looks down because maybe there's a reason for it. Maybe Cora isn't really dead. And maybe her hand is inside her chest again. And maybe she's squeezing it, tugging it. And maybe this time she'll manage to rip it right out of her chest.

It sure as hell feels like it.

But Cora is definitely not there, no one is. She's just looking down at her own chest as her heart beat quickens but it really does feel like hands are wrapped around it, squeezing and tugging and it really does hurt a whole hell of a lot.

Now tears are stinging her eyes and she has no idea why. She looks back up and as if on cue, Regina opens her eyes, she finally sees her staring. At first she smiles, and it's weird but it almost quells the pain, but the smile is quickly replaced by curious confusion and a touch of… is that concern? And it tugs at her heart in a different way, in a good way, because it looks like Regina actually cares about her. But she doesn't pull out of the hug, and the realization just completely devastates her and she still has no idea why.

So she lifts the corner of her lips in a half-hearted smile, or at least she hopes she is, because she really has very little control of her emotions at this moment. Emotions that really make absolutely no sense. And then she turns away because she feels the moisture fall down her face and she really doesn't need Regina to see that.

She wipes at her eyes furiously because she has no reason to cry. And she hates that Regina saw her that way. And she hates herself even though she's not entirely sure why. And she's walking back towards the diner and she feels a change like the pain is slowly being replaced by anger. Anger because she actually kind of wishes she was the one holding the mayor like that. She has no idea why but she really wishes she was the one putting that beautiful smile on her face, lighting up her eyes and making her giggle — because yes, that's what that sound was, she finally realizes — like a love-struck teenager. And holy hell she's just so damn angry because whoever the hell that was that had his arms wrapped around the queen, certainly doesn't deserve her.

Finally she opens the door and she's about to walk in before she feels a light touch on her shoulder. It's a hand, she realizes, and it squeezes ever so gently, almost hesitantly. That's when she hears it, that all too familiar voice, that asks "are you alright?"

And surely enough, when she turns around, it's Regina.

She stares at the mayor then, and she's wondering how exactly she hadn't heard the tell-tale sound of heels before she'd reached her because she certainly didn't expect Regina to come after her. She glances behind the brunette quickly and there's no sign of the man, so she looks back to the mayor. She's pretty sure she looks like an idiot right about now, with her mouth wide open and her eyes crinkling in confusion, but really, what's new about that? Regina already sees her as an idiot, she likes to tease that she really is a Charming and somehow she makes it sound like a bad thing, even when it's clear she's joking. Because they do that now; joke. It's weird, but they do. Her mind wanders off thinking about how much their relationship has changed and she's completely lost in her thoughts until she hears that voice again.

"Em-ma" and yeah, this time she says her name, and God, it never ceases to amaze her how good her name sounds off of those lips, especially when she's saying it in that sing-song voice like she is now.

She doesn't respond, she can't seem to do anything at the moment, she's in a bit of shock and really, it's unwarranted, but the queen doesn't seem to mind. She tilts her head to the side a little and her hair falls down her face but she doesn't brush it away and Emma finds herself fighting really damn hard to not reach out and tuck it behind the brunette's ear.

"Emma, dear, are you alright?" she asks again and she even takes a step closer, as if to ensure that she is heard.

"Huh?" and it's completely pathetic, but that seems to be the only sound the blonde is capable of making right now.

The brunette bites down on her lip then, and she supposes that's where Henry gets it, and damn if it isn't a little adorable coming from the former Evil Queen.

"I said," she begins, slowly, softly, almost hesitantly, "are you alright?"

Emma stares back at her for a short while longer and she knows quite well that she could lie, it would be easier, wouldn't it? She could answer with a curt "I'm fine" and head back inside. The problem, however, is that she's so far from fine she wonders if maybe she's losing her mind a little bit because seeing the other mother of her son (even if he doesn't know it, she is still his mother, too) hug someone should not elicit such a ridiculous reaction. But it did. And it hurts, it really, really hurts. But at least the anger is gone, for now. It seemed to dissipate the moment the brunette's gloved hand squeezed her shoulder. Now she's just a little heartbroken, again, even if she still has no idea why.

She must have been standing there, speechless, lost in these strange thoughts of hers, for quite a while because she suddenly feels a touch of warmth under her eye. She focuses her attention on the woman before her and she notices the outstretched arm and the glove being held in one of her hands. And the touch she feels, she realizes, is Regina's delicate finger. She's wiping under her eyes because apparently the tears had begun to fall again.

Regina smiles at her sadly and retracts her hand and Emma instantly misses the feeling, even if she hadn't noticed it at first. Finally, she decides, she's not going to lie, not right now.

"No." The blonde chokes out, and her voice sounds so bad like she's been crying for hours.

Regina frowns a little before she begins to speak again, and the hesitance is quite clear in her voice, like she isn't sure she has the right to ask, but it doesn't stop her. "Is this about… Emma, is this about…" and she bites her bottom lip again, clearly worried about her own inquiry before she starts again. "This is about… Neal, isn't it?" If Emma weren't so damn upset right now she would probably laugh at the way the brunette says his name. There's that familiar twitch of disgust at the use of it and it's kind of funny that even after he's dead, her disdain for him remains.

"No." She answers a little too quickly, and then, "maybe… I don't… I don't know." And it's true. She really doesn't know why she's so upset but maybe Regina's right, maybe this is about Neal. It would certainly make sense, wouldn't it? Why else would she be so upset about a stupid hug? She did love Neal, she always would, she knew. Regardless of everything he did to her, she loved him. She also once told him she wished he were dead and remembering that now adds a whole new weight to her pain.

A strangled sob escapes her then, and she really, really wishes it hadn't. She feels like she's breaking down piece by piece, like dozens of people are pulling her in all different directions with no care as to the damage they cause. Her heart hurts again, and this time it's more like an anvil has been dropped into her chest, and maybe that doesn't make sense but nothing seems to make much sense these days.

She suddenly finds herself missing the blissful ignorance she had been in for the last year, where fairy tales were just stories and her nights were spent playing video games with her son. That heaven, she remembers not for the first time, was given to her by the woman before her now. The woman who looks so very worried about her, of all people, right this moment. The woman who seems to be taking a step closer. She's clearly unsure and it's so  _weird_ , because Regina is one of the most confident people she has ever met, but in strange moments like this, it's clear she's at a loss.

She feels the brunette's fingers wrap themselves around her forearm, and that's when she realizes why the mayor looks so uncertain. She's debating within her mind what she should do, and it looks like she's about to give in and pull her into an embrace. And God, she hopes she's right because she could really, really use that right now. It's strange because she certainly never would have imagined herself desperate for a hug from the Evil Queen.

_Former Evil Queen,_  she chastises herself.

And then Regina really does pull her forward, and she's so very sure she's about to be held like never before.

That is, until Regina decides to ruin it.

The brunette let's out a quick "watch out, dear." as she pulls her towards her. They're so very close now, dangerously within each other's personal space and her breath catches in her throat. But it's a small quirk of the lips that tells her that no, she's  _not_  about to be hugged by the former Evil Queen. It's also in that same moment that she hears the stupid little bell signaling the opening of the diner door.

And damn it, it's such a huge disappointment that she's about ready to turn around and yell at the asshole who dared ruin the moment. It's pathetic, really, and again, she really doesn't understand what the hell is going on with her, but she's feeling that anger rise again.

She just really,  _really_  wanted a damn hug from her former nemesis.

It really isn't too much to ask for, is it?

But when she does turn, the words die in her mouth, because the 'asshole' who ruined the moment really isn't an asshole at all. She feels really guilty about ever thinking it, because, as fate would have it, it was none other than her — _their_  son at the door. He's looking at her with a slight tilt of his head and narrowed eyes and  _wow_ , that's the exact same look she'd seen on Regina's face a few minutes ago.

"Mom," he asks, "are you okay?"

She feels Regina's grip on her arm — because no, she hadn't released her arm yet — tighten then and she knows, without a doubt, that it's not just seeing him, but the use of the word 'mom' that does it. She feels a pang in her chest, and damn, how much more can her heart take today?

"Yeah, kid, I'm fine." She lies, and she gives him an obviously fake smile, but he doesn't call her out on it.

"Okay." and then he looks at Regina and smiles and Regina's grip tightens just a little more. "Hi, Regina."

"Hello Henry." Her voice is low but she can feel the love pouring out of the words, and she can see their son's smile brighten.

"Is she joining us?" he asks, and although he's clearly asking his blonde mother, his gaze never leaves the brunette. Another pang in her chest because even though he doesn't understand it, he really likes Regina, and there's a clear admiration in the way he looks at her. There's also a magnetism, like he knows she's important but he isn't certain why and it's a little awkward but it's better than nothing.

"I don't know," she responds, her voice forcibly cheer, "maybe you should ask her." She smiles and he smiles and she turns to look at Regina and she's… well, she isn't smiling, it looks more like she's trying not to cry.

Henry's gaze falls down to Regina's hand on Emma's arm and there's an odd glint in his eyes like he knows something but she has no idea what. It's mere seconds later that Regina retracts her hand, like she hadn't noticed it was still there and she moves it so quickly like she's been burned. And damn it, she misses that hand on her arm.

Why? She has no idea, she just does.

"So," he begins, his eyes trailing back to the mayor's face, "would you like to join us, Regina?"

Regina smiles at that and it's so heartbreaking because her eyes are so incredibly wet and it's so obvious that she's trying not to cry, but Henry seems completely oblivious to it. "I'd love to." and her voice is so incredibly quiet when she responds that it's a bit unsettling. That is, until she clears her throat and this time her voice is back to normal, or at least as normal as she can manage "but I can't stay long."

She doesn't say why, but Emma simply assumes it's because it pains her to be so near someone she loves so much when he doesn't remember her at all.

It's really quiet for a while, time seems to have stopped and they're all staring at each other and it's beginning to feel a bit awkward so she breaks the silence.

"Great!" and she slaps her hands against her thighs, her voice louder than she intended but it's enough to pull them out of whatever the hell was happening just now.

So they walk into the diner together and everyone looks at them for a moment, but eventually they return to their meal. Emma can't help but wonder if they had been watching the entire exchange, and maybe that's why Henry had come out. She winces internally at the thought but shrugs it off. She turns to Regina and whispers "I'm sorry" and Regina is clearly confused for a moment until Henry leads them to their table and she sees the other two people waiting and she groans.

Emma can't help but laugh at that, and it feels really good. She doesn't care that people are probably staring at her because well… she deserves a laugh after whatever the hell happened outside just moments ago.

Regina gives her a look and it's a bit intimidating but she simply shrugs it off.

As Regina sits next to Henry, however, and he seems to lean into her a little, she can see the inner battle on the brunette's face. Yeah, she's in as much pain as she is, maybe even more. And maybe she really needed that hug from that jackass — yes, she's calling him a jackass again and for all she knows that could be his actual name so she really doesn't care. He still didn't deserve that hug, even if Regina probably needed it. Even if it seemed to make her quite happy.

Because damn it, she still wishes she were the one making her happy. The fact that she doesn't really know why is completely irrelevant at this point, because as she sits across from the mayor, she can't stop staring at her and their son. And she can't stop thinking that yeah, she's going to get that hug sooner or later. And she's going to make her far happier than that jackass did.

And that's a promise.


	2. Chapter 2

Lunch is a bit awkward now, what with her parents and Regina and Henry (who still doesn't know who all these people around him really are). It really doesn't help that her parents keep shifting their gaze between herself and the mayor. Mary Margaret keeps letting out these little dismayed sighs and it's a little annoying but no one else seems to notice it. In fact, aside from the polite greeting when she first sat down, Regina completely ignores Mary M— Snow and David.

So her parents eat their lunch cautiously as if something terrible could happen at any moment and they're continuously sharing these looks like they're having a secret conversation with their eyes. Regina, on the other hand, is focused solely on Henry, she hasn't even touched the coffee she ordered. The coffee she had ordered specifically because Henry had insisted she have  _something_ , but she clearly has no interest in it.

The fact that no one is really talking to her doesn't actually bother her though, because Regina's conversation with Henry is quite fascinating. It's not that the topic itself is all that unique, but seeing the former Evil Queen talking passionately about superheroes and comic books? It's quite an experience.

She continues to watch the two converse and at this point she nearly forgets that her parents are there at all. Well, perhaps forget isn't necessarily the right word. She knows they're there, of course. The thing is, she can only handle so much of their strange looks and well… their hands having secret conversations with their unborn baby. Her brother or sister. Ugh, it's just so weird, and if she's honest, it kind of hurts. And after whatever the hell happened outside the diner, she really doesn't need that right now.

So she watches her son and his other mother instead and it makes her feel a little better. Especially now, with Henry's excitement having grown exponentially and Regina's wide smile and  _oh_  —

Regina's lifting her head and she's smiling. She's smiling  _at her._  And she just looks so happy, like maybe she's forgotten that their son doesn't know what she does; that his memories no longer match her own. Henry continues on about batman and the joker and whatever else, completely oblivious to the shift in the mayor's gaze. Regina says something to him, but her eyes are still on the blonde and Emma doesn't really know what they're talking about anymore because that smile… it's quite stunning.

And now Henry's laughing and Regina laughs, too.

And now she's winking. At Emma.

The Evil Queen is winking at the Savior.

Emma really doesn't know what she missed or why the queen is winking at her, but what she does know is that she's not opposed to it. Perhaps she should find it strange, but she doesn't. And she has no idea why but the simple gesture is sending tingles down her back. And her cheeks are definitely turning a bright pink. She makes an effort to smile back then, only to realize that she already is. It's not even a normal smile, it's a huge dorky grin and she still doesn't understand what's come over her today.

Regina begins to speak then, and she knows she's talking to her because she definitely hears her say "Miss Swan" and it's a little weird that she would revert to that now. Regardless, before Emma can even make an effort to pay attention, Regina's expression changes. She's about to ask her what's wrong when she sees the brunette pull out her phone with a small frown.

"I'm sorry Henry, it seems we'll have to continue this conversation another time. I have to go." She sighs and she really does look quite upset about it. She leans in towards Henry a little before realizing what she's doing and pulling back with the slightest shake of the head. Emma's pretty sure the queen was about to kiss their son before she'd realized that she couldn't. It's almost like that bubble of happiness from earlier just popped and now the reality of the situation has returned. Well, not almost, that's exactly what's just happened.

"You don't have to go, you could stay a little longer" and as she says it, she attempts to push away the thought that she really  _wants_  her to stay.

"Unfortunately, I can't. Not today." she sighs again, "I promised I'd spend the day with Roland."

Roland? Is that who that was? What the hell kind of name is Roland? Regina and Roland don't even sound good together, it's like one of those stupid stories children write for school where all the characters have similar names for some reason. Regina and Roland? Pffft. That sounds so stupid. Where did she even meet this… Roland? And when the hell did he become more important than their son! She continues to ramble on in her mind about how stupid a name it is and how much she dislikes Regina's new boyfriend when she hears a chair move, and yeah, it's Regina's.

Regina is standing now and she reaches out as if to run her fingers through their son's hair but she stops herself quite abruptly. "Have your mother bring you by my home sometime, you can pick out some comics if you like, I have more than I know what to do with." Emma can't help but notice the way she says 'your mother' as if it physically pains her, and it probably does, but if Henry notices, he doesn't show it. Instead he's beaming up at the mayor with a gleeful "really?" and Regina's only response is a nod with a soft smile that really doesn't reach her eyes.

"Regina?" she asks suddenly, her voice somewhat quiet.

"Yes, dear?"

"Who's Roland?" and the words are out of her mouth before she can stop it, and yeah, she kind of knows who he is because she's pretty sure the brunette was just hugging him outside but for some reason she needs to hear the words.

Regina tilts her head slightly but before she can respond, the stupid little bell on the door makes itself heard and Regina shifts her gaze towards it. And she's smiling. And then she speaks "he's right over there."

Emma follows her gaze but she really doesn't see anyo— oh. There at the door is a little boy. A really cute little boy, and he's beaming at Regina. Roland is a child. She just spent god knows how long thinking about how much she despised a child and how stupid his name was. Well, Roland is still a stupid name, she thinks to herself, as if that would make it all right. It doesn't, not really. Once again she just feels really, really stupid.

The mayor then excuses herself and makes her way over to him. She bends down to his level when she meets him and they exchange a few words before he jumps into her arms. It's really quite a sight, and although she can't see Regina's face at the moment, she just knows how happy she must look. She knows she's doing that thing again, that thing where a simple gesture is appreciated as though it were the most incredible thing in the universe.

And damn it, she is not jealous of this little boy. Nope, not at all. This is totally different from what happened outside. This is cute. Yeah, cute. Like really cute. She's not at all thinking about how much she wishes she could be on the receiving end of one of those hugs.

Thankfully, Henry breaks her from her thoughts, "Is that her son?"

"Hm?" she turns back to him and shakes her head, "no."

"Are you sure?" he narrows his eyes, "The way he's hugging her and… you know…"

"No, that is definitely not Regina's son." She answers almost wistfully.

"Well then who is? Why haven't I ever seen them together?"

"'Cause she doesn't have one…" she winces internally at that, and she feels rather than sees her mother's disapproving stare. Her mother who, until now, had been in her own world with her husband and unborn child. And yeah, she knows she really shouldn't have lied about that, but what else would she tell him? That he's her adopted son? That she's the one who really raised him? As if he would believe that. As if she would even want him to. And yeah, that's harsh, but knowing now that the wonderful life she'd had was all a lie was still hard to swallow. "What makes you think she does?"

He shrugs then. "Just a lot of things." He watches Regina pensively for a moment before shaking his head and returning to his meal, which had been forgotten in the excitement of his conversation with the mayor.

Emma watches Regina then, who is now ordering something from Granny while little Roland chatters on excitedly. She's thinking of what Henry had just told her and yeah, she can see it, they really do look like they could be mother and son. And Regina actually looks happy with him. And it kind of feels… wrong.

"She would make a great mom" Henry says suddenly.

And that's when it hits her like a burst of lightning. The reason it feels so wrong is because Roland is filling the void Henry's absence had left within the mayor's life.

Roland is a stand-in. A replacement.

Henry's replacement.

And the realization makes Emma's blood boil.

She feels the anger rise within her as she watches Granny give the child a doughnut and a cup-to-go of hot chocolate… with cinnamon! And that's what does it; cinnamon. Perhaps she's being petty, but cinnamon is her thing. And Henry's. It's theirs. And now Regina is sharing it with this… this replacement son? That is a step too far, even for an Evil Queen.

She rises from her chair then, the chair's legs making a screeching noise against the ground, but it fails to deter her. Instead, she finds it fuels her. She marches up to the mayor, whose expression contorts into confusion, and speaks through clenched teeth, "This is why you had to leave?" She's lucky enough that her voice comes out at a normal volume, but the vitriol in her tone is more than clear.

"Excuse me?" is Regina's only response and despite the clear confusion etched on her features, it only serves to irritate the blonde even more.

"You left us… Henry," she waves her arm towards the table, "for this? For this… replacement? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I could ask the same of you, dear. Now, I have no idea what all this is about but—"

"Cut the crap, Regina." she interrupts, lowering her voice as she continues, "I know what you're doing and it's just… wrong! I'm glad he doesn't remember you," she adds coolly, "because this… what you're doing, it would break his heart."

The mayor's expression hardens and Emma can practically see solid walls rising from the ground, but her eyes… well, they say something else. There's anger in there, yes, but there's also something quite unreadable. But of course, rather than study it further, rather than attempt to calm herself like a rational person would, the blonde makes one final push, clarifying her accusation.

"He doesn't remember you, so you've gone off and found someone else, a new child to take his place."

"Don't." Regina warns, glancing down to Roland, who, fortunately, is completely oblivious to the conversation taking place above him as he sips his cocoa.

Emma completely ignores the warning, though, instead opting to make yet another unwarranted stab.  _But it_ is _warranted,_ she reassures herself. _It is. She's trying to replace Henry!_  "For someone who claims to love him, you sure have a way of showing it, Your Majesty."

"Don't." She repeats as she points her finger towards the blonde's chest, her voice low and threatening. She's clearly the more rational one here, trying to vie off attention of prying eyes and ears while simultaneously voicing her irritation. "Don't you dare question my love for my son."

Emma opens her mouth to retort then, but the brunette shakes her finger, effectively silencing the blonde for the moment.

"You know no one else could  _ever_  replace him." Her voice is steady as she speaks, and the anger is clear, but more than that is the glint of disbelief as her eyes grow wide. Emma briefly wonders if the disbelief is at the accusation itself or the fact that she's the one who made it, but the thought is pushed away as quickly as it came as the brunette continues. "I wouldn't even dream of trying. I am doing everything I can to be what he's always wanted me to be, so don't you dare suggest such a thing ever again."

They hold each other's gaze for what feels like an eternity before the brunette shakes her head ever so slightly and steps away from the blonde, whose personal space she'd managed to invade at some point during their confrontation. Or perhaps it was Emma who made the invasion, neither woman is entirely sure, but as Regina reaches out to Roland, the Savior attempts to rectify the situation.

"Regina, I…" Of course it's a poor attempt, Emma's voice is so quiet and so lacking in confidence that the mayor may not have even heard it, but of course, she did.

"Don't." She says that word once again, and this time Emma feels a shiver crawl up her spine in response to it. Roland's gloved hand is securely wrapped in Regina's as she leans into the Savior and whispers, "I gave you _everything_." She glances towards Henry briefly before her eyes flick back to the Savior's and she adds, leaning in to whisper in her ear, "And I'll be damned if I let you make me feel guilty for the little happiness I have left."

She backs away then, raising her voice in a volume a little louder than necessary, and a tone that is so very Madame Mayor. "Now, if you'll excuse us, Roland and I have a rather important appointment to get to." and with that she turns away, a fake smile plastered on her face as she looks down to the boy. Roland, innocent child that he is, beams up at her, lips and chin covered in chocolate and sprinkles. That's when her fake smile seems to twitch ever so slightly, slowly transforming into an odd, almost reluctant warmth. And then they're making their way out the door, leaving the Savior standing in the middle of the diner feeling incredibly foolish. The stupid little bell clangs once again as the door opens and closes behind them, the idiocy of her actions moments ago finally catching up with her.

_I gave you everything_ , she hears the words repeat in her mind as she turns towards the boy who is now staring at her with a curious expression. She tries to smile back, and its timid and doesn't reach her eyes at all. It's enough, though, that much is made clear by the sympathetic smile and little shrug she receives in return before he returns to his near-empty plate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know there are a ton of new complete multi-chapter fics to read now that the big bang has gone live, so if you took time off of those to read this chapter, I may not understand you, but I do appreciate you. The last of my finals is tonight so I should have more time to write, I'll hopefully have chapter 3 up by Friday.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I said Friday. Life got unexpectedly busy and this chapter was a bit harder to write than the last two.
> 
> Prepare yourselves for some Regina POV. There's quite a bit of Roland, a little Robin (I'm sorry, just bare with me okay, it'll be worth it), and Emma makes an appearance in there too.
> 
> I'll update ASAP, so just let me know your thoughts until then?

By the time they’d stepped outside the diner, Regina was fuming. How such a lovely day (as lovely as her days could be ever since she’d awoken to the new curse, that is) had turned into… well, whatever that was, was beyond her. She knew the blonde was in a state of grieving, but her mood had shifted far too sporadically within the last hour, and quite frankly, despite her efforts, Regina Mills was not a patient woman. She could only withstand so much of the Savior’s idiocy.  
  
 _She’s lucky I've changed_ , she thinks to herself. But she has Henry, and she’s right, he doesn't remember her. She’s no more than a stranger to her own son. Even the littlest things they’d once shared were gone, erased from his memory. Well, not gone, changed. Changed so that her son and his idiot birth mother could live happily ever after. Now instead of her face, it was the blonde’s he saw when he remembered learning to read, having his tears wiped and injuries kissed after a fall, or drinking hot chocolate in the middle of the night after a nightmare. All their memories together, he no longer remembered them as they existed.  
  
She’s known for some time that good deeds, like magic, come with a price. Especially for her. What else did she expect? She’s the Evil Queen, she always would be, the blonde had said so herself once. The fact that she had been stupid enough to expect even the least bit of gratitude was ridiculous, childish, and… and… incredibly naive. She had been so sure that she was doing the right thing, the visions had shown her, they had been a promise that Henry would be happy, as would Emma, and eventually… she herself. But of course, as always, happiness was not meant for her. That irritating blonde that she had come to —

"My Majesty?" Roland’s sweet little voice breaks her from her thoughts, and she’s somewhat thankful for the reprieve. The mind could be a torturous place, especially that of an Evil Queen, former or not.

"Yes, dear?" She fakes a smile, maintaining the mask she had spent decades refining, before habitually correcting his mistake, "And it’s  _Your_  Majesty.”

He narrows his eyes and crinkles his little nose in response before answering, “That’s what I said,  _My_  Majesty.”

“ _Your_ , dear.” She corrects again, though not unkindly.

"Papa says that your to you means my to me." He nods then, as if to confirm with himself that he is indeed correct.

She chuckles then because despite the torment within her mind, Roland is quite the adorable child. “Of course dear,” she concedes, preferring to gloss over the issue for the time being, “but perhaps it would be easier if you called me Regina.”

"Okay!" he beams up at her and it seems to comfort her a little, although something about that comfort is a little unsettling, but she decides that this is most certainly not the time to dwell on imaginary concerns.

"Regina?" he speaks timidly, he’s testing out the new title and he seems a little uncertain, as though perhaps she hadn't meant it.

So she smiles reassuringly in response, hoping it’s enough for the boy before urging him on, “What is it, dear?”

"I’m done." He raises the cup towards her.

"I see." Her smile widens as she plucks it from his fingers and walks them over to the nearest trash bin before discarding of the now-empty cup, "And how did you like your very first hot chocolate?"

He hums appreciatively and licks his lips before grinning up at her

"I’ll take that as a sign you enjoyed it." She shakes her head ever so slightly as he nods eagerly. He’s adorable with his little grin stained with hot chocolate and sprinkles, "You've made quite a mess of yourself, it seems." She gestures towards the nearest bench, "have a seat and we’ll get you all cleaned up."

"And then we play?"

"Yes, dear, and then we play." She confirms with a nod.

He pulls himself up to sit on the bench, his feet far from reaching the ground, and immediately starts kicking his legs in excitement. She shakes her head slightly once more, biting back a grin. She remembers Henry at this age, bursting with love and excitement, and for once remembering him doesn't hurt. The boy before her now is not a replacement, far from it, but he is a sweet, motherless little boy embarking on a new adventure and she’s glad to be the one to take him there.

She waves her hand, making a point of showing off a little and Roland claps excitedly as the wet napkin appears in the palm of her hand. She then proceeds to clean up his face and hands. Of course, it takes a little work because that beverage has a tendency to stick, but by the time she’s done, he’s grinning up at her with pure adoration in his eyes and it warms her heart a little. Yes, Roland is a welcome distraction from all the pain she’s cursed herself to live with, not to mention the blonde woman who always knows exactly how to get under her skin.

"Is that it?" he asks eagerly.

The plan had been to drive to their destination, but as it happens, her legs had a plan all on their own, because as she looks away from Roland, she spots the park she’d built for her son (and the other children, of course) all that time ago a short distance away.

"Yes, dear, that is the park." She smiles, trying to ignore the pang in her chest that comes with the sight of it. The one that screams  _Henry_.

"It looks like a castle!" He exclaims.

"That it does, my dear Roland."

He giggles in anticipation before tugging at her arm a little and asking, “May I?”

She chuckles in response, though it sounds more like a strangled sob, but it doesn't perturb the child in the least, thankfully. “Of course you may, just be careful.”

He jumps off the bench then and races towards the play area. The brunette watches the happy child from a distance, and all she hears is Emma’s voice in her head telling her that this is  _'wrong'_. She pushes it aside as best as she can, but not before the words  _'I'm glad he doesn't remember you'_  snake their way back into her mind.

_Roland is not a replacement_ , she assures herself.  _This has nothing to do with Henry._ This is about Roland and Robin and a favor she chose to pay.

With that final thought, she makes her way towards the park, where the young child already seems to be having the time of his life. He waves when he sees her approach and she returns the gesture while an insincere smile takes form upon her lips.

* * *

They spent a few hours at the park until it became obvious that Roland was exhausted, and truth be told, Regina herself was quite tired. What she would not admit, however, was the fact that it wasn't watching Roland that did it, but rather her own mind and its inability to cease thinking about her son and his other mother. Roland whined about his aching feet a few times on the way back to her car, and she tried carrying him for a short while, but her heels were simply not equipped for the extra weight. So the walk to her car was far from enjoyable, but it was over soon enough. He fell asleep on the way to the mansion, but the moment she put the car in park, he woke up. She couldn't help but remember Henry at his age, as she had many times throughout their day together, and she lets out yet another sigh.

An hour has passed since they’d arrived at the mansion, she had changed her outfit shortly after arriving, having no desire to look anything short of perfect at all times and her previous outfit had been worn long enough for one day. Now Roland is seated in the dining room, equipped with a plastic Buzz Lightyear cup (she had bought it for him on their way home, her glasses were not exactly appropriate for such a young child and she had rid herself of Henry’s old ones years ago) filled with apple juice, a coloring book and some crayons. The door to the dining room is left slightly ajar so that she can hear him if needed while she prepares dinner. She had invited the outlaw to dinner for the night. She hadn't exactly intended to do so, but seeing as she would be spending the day with his child, and the mansion was quite a lonely place these days, her lips had made the invitation before she could stop them.

She slides the lasagna into the oven, washes her hands, and begins picking apples to make dessert. Roland certainly seems to have an appetite for the fruit, and if the outlaw has an issue with them, then that fairy dust is even further from accurate than she thought. Her love for apples comes second only to her love for Henry — _third_ , her torturous mind reminds her. She had loved few people in her life time, and every one of them pained her, but they were worth it. Henry, that one other person she refused to name and her beloved apple tree were all she had left. And the first two weren't really hers, not currently, and perhaps they never would be, but still she loved them.

Perhaps baking this apple pie was a test, if he refused it, that would be reason enough to walk away from supposed destiny.  _Soul mates_ , she scoffed, what a ridiculous idea that was. A common outlaw and the Evil Queen, in what realm did that make any sense? There was no way Tinkerbell’s fairy dust was legitimate, right? She had been shown a completely different vision a year ago, one she could only hope would become reality. Even if it seemed hopeless to think it. No matter what life threw her, she never did learn, happiness was never meant for her.

But she wanted it. She wanted it so badly. She needed it. Especially now, with a son who thinks of her as no more than a stranger.

She begins chopping the apples a little too harshly, trying desperately to drown out her thoughts with the sound of the knife hitting the cutting board. It isn't working. If anything, it only serves to frustrate her further, her thoughts becoming more and more treacherous. Damn the blonde Savior for taking her happiness without so much as a look back. Damn her and her belief in the Evil Queen’s redemption. Damn her and her new, much more tolerable wardrobe. Damn her and that adorable grin and infuriatingly beautiful long blonde hair. Damn the Savior and everything she represents! Damn Emma Swan!

Her internal rant is cut short only by the loud clashing sound which stops her cold. She focuses her attention before her and finds that the apples have been tossed all over the counter, the board split in half, and one of her glass cabinets shattered, the porcelain swan mocking her as she takes in the damage. Well, that was something that hadn't happened in a while. She’d lost control of her magic.

She glares at the white swan for a moment before the foolishness of it all catches up with her and she bursts into laughter. The real thing that hasn't happened in a while, is laughter. She can’t remember the last time she’d laughed like this, pure and uncaring. The sound is deep and rich even to her own ears. The water gathers in her eyes as she holds her abdomen and bends over. She laughs and laughs and it feels so good and so bad all at once.

And then the door bursts open and a petrified little boy stares wide eyed at the queen. Her laughter slows as she takes in his presence and she straightens her posture, his gaze falls to her torso and that’s when she realizes she’s still holding the knife, and it seems to have cut into her apron, but she feels nothing so it can’t have gone any further than that. Or at least she hopes not.

"Oh" is the only sound that escapes her lips at the moment and she gently places the knife on the counter.

He stares at her, a shivering pout on his face and she swears he’s about to cry.

"I’m sorry," she moves toward him slowly, her voice isn't completely clear as she tries to get her breathing back to normal. "I didn't mean to frighten you, dear."

He looks away and a tear falls down his sweet face. She pulls him into her arms then, and he not only allows it but completely melts into her arms. The sobs come out then, and it’s such a painful sound.

"Shhhh it’s alright, everything’s fine." She reassures him as she rubs his back. "You’re safe, dear. I’m here." She realizes that the sounds must have been a little frightening, but his reaction is far worse than she could have anticipated and all she can do is hold him and whisper words that may or may not mean anything to him.

They stay this way for a while, it could be minutes or hours, she’s not entirely certain, but the sobs have finally ceased and his breathing has calmed considerably. He begins to loosen his grip a little and she whispers in response, “better?” She feels him nod against her shoulder before completely pulling away. She then wipes under his eyes with a delicate finger and he smiles ever so slightly.

"Now, how about we get you cleaned up, dinner is almost ready, and your father will be here soon." He beams at the mention of his father and she feels the relief flood through her.

She assists him in washing and drying his face before heading back to the kitchen. Luckily, the lasagna hadn't burned at all, in fact, it’s perfect, so she pulls it out and sets it down to cool a little. By the time she washes her hands and removes her apron (fortunately, she was right and the knife hadn't cut past her apron), the door bell rings.

She hears the little boy run to the door excitedly calling out for his papa, and she really can’t help but smile. The sound alone reminds her of little Henry, excitedly pouncing on her upon her return home. Henry loved having a babysitter, those were the days he could eat food she otherwise wouldn't allow him. He never knew that she had specifically provided the babysitter with the treats and instructed them to feed him as ever he wanted. She had always felt guilty when she couldn't be with him. Well, at least that guilt could be shared with the blonde now, it was perhaps one of the few good things to come of her sacrifice.  _No,_  she reminds herself, _everything about her sacrifice was worth it, Henry was finally happy._

She makes her way to the door, welcomes her guest and leads father and son to the dining room.

* * *

 

Dinner is quite an awkward affair at first, Regina and Robin stealing glances at one another, some interested, some curious and some… quite unreadable. They smile awkwardly a few times, enjoying their meal, but inside Regina feels like throwing things, this whole idea was ridiculous and this is certainly one of the most uncomfortable dinners she’d experienced in this land.

Luckily for them both, they have a little buffer to ease the tension. Clearly the discomfort had only bored the young boy, so he excitedly solves the issue by speaking up. Roland fills the silence with a thorough review of their day together, including the “really yummy” discovery known as hot chocolate which his papa had to get him “every day forever and ever because it’s so  _mmm!_ ” He also mentions Regina’s little magic trick on the bench, to which Robin’s face contorts into disapproval. And who the hell is he to disapprove? He’s the idiot who left his son with the Evil Queen! Thankfully, the only detail he leaves out is the kitchen catastrophe, his adventure ending with a coloring book and his papa finally arriving for dinner.

Once they've finished their meals, Regina doesn't even bother offer a drink or clear up the table, instead she rises, as does the outlaw. They silently agree that the night is through and then they make their way to the front door.

With a little help, Roland puts on his shoes and coat and then, as his father dresses in his own boots and coat (which, honestly, is one of the most hideous jackets she has ever seen), he turns to her and wraps his arms around her legs. He says his thank you and she finds herself leaning down to his level for a proper hug. She offers him a smile and a promise of “Any time, my dear. The pleasure was all mine.” He beams up at her in response, hugs her a little tighter and then moves to the door.

Bidding adieu to his father, however, is not quite as pleasant. Not that she would want it to be, he is just… completely wrong for her. Tinkerbell was wrong. So very, very wrong. There was no way he was her soul mate. What a preposterous idea that was!

She offers him a fake smile and a curt nod, opening the door for the two. He smiles back, and it’s a little more genuine than her own, though why is beyond her. Roland exits first, coloring pad and crayons in his hands (because of course she let him keep them, she has no other use for them, and he’s quite proud of his coloring abilities) as he waits patiently for his father to follow. The outlaw follows his son, but quickly turns back towards her, just outside the doorway.

"Have I mentioned how lovely you look tonight?" his gaze sweeps up and down her body before returning to her eyes.

She strongly resists the urge to roll her eyes in response and answers instead with a “thank you.”

"No, thank you, milady, for such a lovely feast, and for taking care of Roland. I am completely indebted to you."

"As I said before, Roland is a lovely boy, it was my pleasure." She smiles more genuinely this time because she really does find she adores the boy.

That is, until the outlaw takes her hand in his and her smile falters. He brings her hand to his lips and places a light kiss to her flesh. She tries to smile, she really does. It’s been quite some time since anyone has paid this sort of attention to her, and it is quite nice, though a little odd considering how uncomfortable their dinner had been.

He locks gazes with her for a moment and his lips quirk up into a smile which does nothing to help the unease she feels within her. He leans in then, his lips pursed and his intent all too clear. She feels her heart race and she freezes momentarily, staring in awe as he comes closer and closer into her personal space. She can feel his breath against her flesh as he searches her eyes before returning his gaze to her lips.

It’s both exciting and frightening and clearly his impression of the night is not aligned with her own. But it’s been so long since anyone has desired her this way, so long since anyone has been even remotely interested in her. So very, very long. And part of her wants to give in, just completely abandon all logic and allow his lips to meet her own.

But in the end, logic and fear win out and she turns her head away just in time. He fumbles slightly at the quick movement but recovers quickly enough, placing a soft kiss to her cheek instead. It’s strange, but she’s blushing furiously. It felt good. Inexplicably and unexpectedly good. She finds herself incredibly tempted to just grab him by the collar of his shirt, pull him towards her, plant her lips on his and pretend he’s the one she had grown to love instead of who he truly is as they pull apart breathlessly.

She doesn't, however. She knows how huge a mistake that would be, knows she can’t take any sort of chance, not now. Her heart is too fragile for it, she couldn't bear any additional pain, couldn't bear the torment it would surely cause her.

He smiles slightly as he pulls away, the disappointment and rejection clear on his features, but he gives her an understanding nod. She attempts to smile back but all she can manage is to lift one corner of her lips slightly and it’s all too discomforting a feeling and simply does not suit the former Evil Queen. He bids her goodnight one final time, turns away, takes his son's hand and leads him away from the mansion.

Regina stares after them for a while, a little too shocked and far from comfortable with the odd turn of the evening. She lets out a long sigh, rubs her fingers against her freshly kissed cheek and turns to re-enter her large, lonely mansion. She closes the door knowing all too well how little sleep she’ll be getting tonight.

Unbeknownst to the queen and her departed guests, however, a certain blonde finds herself wiping furiously at her eyes as she makes her way back to her yellow bug. Unfortunately for the Savior, she’d turned away just before Regina had, and as she wept for reasons she still couldn't quite understand, she was certain that the mayor had kissed that man by her door. She had kissed the man whose damn hug had started all this… whatever the hell she was feeling. And she knew, the brunette was falling in love. She was right all along, of course, her lie detector had failed earlier that day in the diner; Regina really had found herself a new family. And she was happy. The blonde climbed into her car and drove home, or what she was temporarily calling home, driving a little too fast and caring far too little as the tears blurred her vision.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry for the long wait, I could give you reasons but I'm guessing you'd rather just read the next part. It's a shorter chapter but I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer so the rest will just be a new chapter.

Despite her awfully dangerous driving — which, some part far in the back of her mind knows is wrong, since she  _was_  sheriff and  _is_  the Savior and it  _is_  undoubtedly dangerous — she manages to get home safely. Well, 'home' isn't exactly the right word; it's more of a temporary home. Her parents' home, really.  _I have parents_ , the revelation surfaces once again but really this isn't the time to dwell on that. She's known this for a while, it's an old revelation, even if she's only just recently remembered it.

Now Regina, Regina is a whole other thing. That woman has always known just the right way to get under her skin, and sure, it's a mutual skill; irritating and infuriating one another. But there's also something else. There's a connection between them that has gone on undefined, untouched and even now she can't put her finger on it. Just as easily as they rile each other up, they're able to calm each other down and it's the strangest thing. But they don't dwell on it. They most certainly don't talk about it. And really, she has no business even thinking about it. So she doesn't. At least, not usually. But lately she can't seem to stop. She can't seem to avoid the strange pangs of mixed emotion she feels around the brunette and she doesn't understand and she's not sure she wants to understand but it hurts. It really, really hurts. But it also feels wonderful and that scares her more than anything else.

And then there's magic.  _Their_  magic. It's as strong and frightening and empowering and unbelievable as the bond to their son that ties them all together. And she doesn't want to think about it. She doesn't want to think about the things she's feeling. She doesn't want to think about Regina. She doesn't want to think about Snow or David or even Henry. And she most definitely doesn't want to think about that damn hug or that damn kiss with that stupid, unworthy jackass. Even the thought of that jackass' annoyingly adorable son makes her want to yell in frustration, so Regina spending all that time with them and being so goddamn affectionate with them is beyond infuriating. She doesn't want to think about it. Doesn't want to think about anything at all.

So the moment she walks in the door, she heads straight to the kitchen and she searches. She searches the fridge and the cupboards and the drawers and under the damn sink and hell, she even checks the damn dishwasher. Her search fails her but she doesn't give up, she can't give up. She continues to search, completely and totally unaware of the amount of noise she's making. That is, until she hears someone clear their throat behind her and she jumps at the unexpected sound. She turns around quickly, only to find David — her father — standing there looking at her all disapprovingly.

"What?" she spits out, uncaring to the venom she pours into the word.

"What are you looking for?" he asks, his voice soft, careful. "You woke your mother..."

She furrows her brow at that and it takes a moment but finally she notices that all the lights are off, save for the ones in the kitchen that she herself had turned on. She turns to the clock and it's... She whips her head back in his direction "what the hell is everyone doing sleeping at eight o'clock in the evening!"

He shrugs and the expression on his face is full of concern and it makes her want to roll her eyes, she doesn't, but it takes a hell of an effort not to. "She's due any day now... she needs her rest. And all this business with the Wicked Witch..." he sighs deeply and looks her straight in the eyes, "she's tired, Emma."

She lets out a frustrated sigh of her own and nods, running a hand through her hair. She mumbles an almost inaudible apology but he catches it and smiles lightly. It doesn't reach his eyes and its clear that he's tired, too. Chasing after flying monkeys and the Wicked Witch of the Goddamn West while taking care of your demanding pregnant wife and your amnesiac grandson will do that to a guy. But still, the most daunting thing is that despite it all, he's looking at her, the concern  _for her_  so clear on his features that if she wasn't so angry right now she might be tempted to hug the man.

She closes the drawer she had been re-checking upon his entrance with a huff and avoids glancing in his direction again.

"What are you looking for, Emma?" It's a simple question, and considering the fact that she had just been slamming around the kitchen, it should be taken for exactly that. The problem is, it creates knots in the pit of her stomach and it makes her eyes sting because she  _doesn't know_. She knows what she'd been looking for in the kitchen, of course, but the question feels a whole lot bigger than it should be. It feels like  _the_  question. Like he's just suddenly put into words exactly what's been torturing her all day. She doesn't know what she wants. And it's clear that she wants something, and somehow, that something involves Regina, of all people. But what, she really, really doesn't know and so that's when she snaps back into reality and she lifts her gaze to her father's.

"Where's the booze?" That's it. That's her answer; a question. She's searched this whole kitchen twice now and she hasn't found a drop of alcohol. He looks like he's about to protest, maybe tell her that she shouldn't be drinking now but instead he sends her a guilty smile and a quiet "there isn't any."

"Well then why didn't you tell me to grab a pack earlier?" the irritation is clear in her voice and she grinds her teeth to keep from growling.

"We... Snow is pregnant, so there won't be any drinking in the house. I promised her that as long as she couldn't, I wouldn't. You know, for the baby." He shrugs his shoulders again and he's wearing the most sheepish smile she's ever seen on the man and it makes him look years younger than he is. His words, though, that's what really does it and she just raises her eyebrows incredulously with a "really?"

He nods and there's a blush creeping up his face and she can't stop herself this time, she rolls her eyes. "You can't be serious." She lets out an exaggerated huff and slaps her hands against her thighs.

"I didn't want her to feel left out or... well, tempted."

"How very charming of you." she deadpans and his smile turns into a smirk so she throws her head back in a show of exasperation before she bites out a "right."

A silence falls between them for a moment and he watches her intently and it's so clear he wants to say something but he's holding back and she's so thankful because talking is the last thing she wants to do right now. She just needs a drink. Or ten. She just needs to stop thinking about everything, especially Regina and that jackass because it's absolutely ridiculous and she still doesn't understand it and it just frustrates her to no end. Alcohol, that's all she needs right now.

So she clears her throat, grabs her keys and looks him in the eyes before she asks him to watch Henry, he agrees and she turns to leave. The moment she opens the door, though, he finally asks "where are you going?"

"I need a drink." She replies and it's short and to the point and she's about to slam the door but then she feels a tug in her chest and she takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry for all the noise." And then she does leave, before he can respond, closing the door behind herself. She rushes to her car because she doesn't want to waste any more time, she just can't afford the thoughts that will surly seep back into her mind if she does. She just needs a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually hadn't intended to have drunk!Emma originally, I was going to skip a few days but well... I like this better. The next part is about halfway done so shouldn't be long before we get Regina with drunk!Emma :)


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